Since when has loving someone meant accepting everything about them?

Because I’m not a supporter of gay marriage, I have been told that I hold a discriminatory opinion and have been asked where my Christian love is. So in response, I ask: since when has loving someone meant accepting everything about them?

Take my aunty, for example. She is a smoker, and I don’t agree with the fact that she smokes. I know it’s bad for her health, and that science says it will be doing her body damage.

So by saying that smoking should be banned, am I discriminating against smokers?

You may say that smoking is a choice, and that being gay isn’t, but to that my question still remains. What about babies who are born with drug addictions because of their mother’s addictions? Or people who are born with a genetic predisposition to developing mental health issues like schizophrenia or depression? If we love a person and believe something to be bad for that person, we will help them manage their addictions or prevent/control their tendencies.

Because true love means wanting what is best for a person.

So, back to my smoking aunty. We as a family encourage her in her efforts to quit smoking, and support laws made to restrict smoking. All because we believe that smoking is bad, due to what science tells us. In the exact same way, as Christians we encourage people to enter Godly marriages and have Godly relationships. Because we believe that these are best for people, and we know first hand that these marriages can be the most satisfying and fulfilling.

This means, for me personally, I get just as concerned about other kinds of ungodly marriage as I do about gay marriage. To be honest, I think it’s a little hypocritical of Christians to be getting angry about gay marriage if they aren’t getting angry about all the other kinds of corrupt marriage out there too. Abusive relationships, resorting to divorce when it’s not working, marring for money or power – all are straying from God’s plan for us and are just as bad for us as gay marriage.

As Christians we should love all people equally, because we believe that we are all equally loved by God. Gays, Christians, transgenders, Muslims, Jews, terrorists, the lot. God loves us all so much that he wants the best for us. He wants to save us from all the confusion, darkness and hurt in the world. To do so he teaches us how we should go about certain aspects of our lives, including how to have a holy marriage between a husband and a wife.

It might all just sound like a strict set of outdated rules to those who haven’t experienced God fully. But it’s because He wants us to live a life that will lead to us spending eternity with Him, because He loves us so much that he wants what’s best for us.

Trusting in God

Last week I found myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown in the middle of Spotlight. I was holding back tears, and had to stop myself from curling in to the fetal position between the rolls of fabric.

I have been organizing a fundraiser for the organization that I will soon be working with in India (the Offspring Project). It was two weeks out from the event, a trivia night planned for this Saturday, and I had only two tables of people booked. I was terrified that people weren’t going to show up, and that the whole night would be a complete flop. I could feel the humiliation already.

I was in Spotlight looking for some cheap fabric that I could use as tablecloths, but the price of the material shocked me and I was out of alternative ideas. I’ve been organizing the night by myself, and it was all becoming too much. It became clear that day that I really needed an entire team of people helping me: one to organize food, one to promote the event, and another to do the decoration/table settings. My promotion was already going badly, hence the lack of booked tables, and that morning I had made little progress with the food. So when it became clear how hard it was going to be to find cheap fabric for the large, round tables I felt like giving up.

I had no choice but to buy the fabric, spending $300 of my own hard-earned money. At that stage I didn’t know if I would make everything back, as I had already spent $200 on other expenses for the night. It was a moment where I had to trust in God. People had been telling me previously not to worry; that ‘if you trust in God He will bless you’, and ‘if God is in it you’ll find that everything has a way of just working out’. But how do I know if God is in this I wondered. I prayed about it, I asked Him to be a part of it, and asked that He help everything work out. But I felt nothing, nothing changed and I was still unsure. I grit my teeth and bought the fabric, saying sternly to God, I’m buying this material trusting that you will provide enough tables to pay for it, you better bloody make enough people show up.

It wasn’t until a week later, only a few days ago, that He revealed to me that He has been involved all along. Within the span of about three days, my numbers climbed from two tables to twelve – and it’s now looking like I could end up with sixteen tables full of twelve people on each. He has not only answered my prayers, He has far exceeded my own hopes and expectations. I know now that not only did I need to trust that He would provide, but I also needed to trust that He was involved in my plans. God shouldn’t have to earn our trust; we have to take that first leap of faith to receive His blessing. So long as we are acting in accordance with His word, we can take comfort in the knowledge that He is already a part of every single thing that we do.

SIN

It’s the most attractive, desirable and pleasurable thing on earth. If it weren’t so appealing, we wouldn’t be tempted by it. We would all be perfect images of God, and we wouldn’t be human.

It’s flexible and unique; it shows itself in different forms for different people, targeting our individual points of weakness. When we think of sin our minds jump straight to sexual immorality, gambling, drug abuse and all the typically ‘bad’ identifiable types of sin. But unhealthy obsessions or anxieties of any type – image, success, study, work – are sinful.

Sin is anything that we place above God. Anything that separates us from Him. Anything that we give control.

We think we can control it. I’ll just do it this once; I can stop whenever I want. I’ll only go this far; I’ll just do a little. I’ll say no next time. But this is how it entices us, and when we put ourselves in positions that create temptation we’re making ourselves vulnerable. If we do this enough we reach the point where our will sin control us; when it begins to destroy our relationships with people. Where we become dependent upon it and realize that we’re no longer able to say no to its temptation.

It obscures our ability to think clearly. We become so wrapped up in it that we cannot see outside of it. You may know it’s bad, may know you should stop… But it clouds your mind to the point where you’re no longer sure what is and isn’t okay.

So long as we are actively pursuing God, sin has no power. When we become negligent of our relationship with Him and put ourselves in compromising positions we rely on our own strength to fight temptation. When we engage with sin it separates us from God – it becomes harder and harder to draw close to him, to feel his presence and to discern His will.

Thank you God that you can beat sin. We don’t have to fight the temptation or rely on our own strength to avoid its power. God has already won the battle; He ended it all when He sent Jesus to die for our sins. God beats sin every time.

When we do stray, He is ready and waiting to welcome us back in His loving arms. We don’t have to do anything to earn His forgiveness, we can’t, we’re human beings and will always be completely unworthy and undeserving. His forgiveness was given to us for no reason other than that of love, because that’s how much He loves us and wants to be with us.

A technological invasion of the bedroom

Warning- this post contains some adult-only themes. If you’re one of my under 18yr old followers I advise you not to continue reading.

Today I met a friend for coffee and afterwards did a little shopping. We walked past a female lingerie store on the way back and she pulled me inside to show me a recent purchase.

I followed sheepishly, having never been into a store more intimate than ‘bras n things’. After relaxing and beginning to admire some of the intricate lace and beaded items, I was lead to the sex toy section. I hardly knew where to look or what to say. But my embarrassment was soon overcome by awe when handed some of the products, such alien looking devices that felt surprisingly comfortable to touch.

While looking at the different models and designs, the store attendant came over and started talking to us about one of their products. After asking us if we both had boyfriends (we do… more or less) she proceeded to give us the spiel on the ‘we’ toy – able to be used during sex to give pleasure to both partners. She went in to detail about how it was used… It has an app that enables the toy to be controlled from a mobile device. She said this is great because guys like gadgets, and it helps them to ‘feel like they know what they are doing’. Another toy involved a ring that went around the guy’s penis and made it vibrate, the perk being that ‘it makes the guy feel like he is really involved’.

Instead of being impressed or tempted by this information I could only marvel over the invasion of technology in to the bedroom. The latest toys have been designed to make the man feel like he is really involved, and help him to feel like he knows what he’s doing. I think it’s sad that a man has to use technology or a phone app to give his woman an orgasm, and just as sad that a woman would choose a machine over a man. Now don’t get me wrong – I have no problem with couples in a loving relationship trying different things to spice up their sex life… But the fact that these products are being designed to help the man feel involved, hint at an unhealthy reliance on such things. When it comes to female pleasure, is technology replacing men?

WAVES

I have always thought that life is a lot like surfing.

In order to get to the point where you’re able to actually catch a wave, you must paddle out past the point where the waves are breaking. Each wave that crashes toward you wants to push you further toward the shore. First you walk out a little way, board under arm, until the water reaches your waist and slows your steps. Walking holds you steadfast against the force of the waves, but will only get you so far. You lay down your board and jump on, beginning the long paddle out. At this stage you must surrender to the ocean.

When a wave comes crashing toward you, there is no other option than to face it head on. You can only get through a wave if you face it directly when it hits, no avoiding or running away. Sometimes you can duck dive under and continue paddling when you resurface, being only a little disrupted. Sometimes it will push you back toward the shore, undoing the hard work you just did. But other times the sheer force of the wave will tear you from your board, push you deep under and churn you out. Leaving you breathless and frazzled, having to quickly recollect yourself and your board before jumping back on and continuing the paddle out.

Sometimes a whole set will come through, where wave after wave pushes you back or completely dumps you. You will have barely resurfaced and refilled your tired lungs with oxygen when another crashes in to you and consumes you with its force, throwing your body around in its arms like a ragged doll. In these moments all you can do is let go. Allow your body to be thrown by the force of the ocean, don’t fight the waves but go with them. Don’t panic, but take the moments you are given to fill you lungs with air and calmly prepare for the next tumult.

Eventually the ocean will give you enough of a chance to regain progress. The waves will hold off just long enough to allow you to remount your board and keep paddling. It can feel pointless. It can feel like you’re going nowhere, and sometimes you are. There will be moments where you’ll doubt that you have the strength to get out there at all, where you’ll give up or contemplate heading back to shore. In these times nothing but sheer determination and perseverance will get you through. Because you know that this is only a stage, only a small part of what surfing involves. The thrill of riding a wave and the peace of sitting out the back in the glassy quiet makes it worth it. So every time you are knocked off your board or pushed back toward the shore, you force your tired little arms to keep paddling.

Even when you find yourself helplessly caught in what feels like a set of endless waves… Find your strength in the promise that the rest of your life will make the struggle worth it. Keep paddling.

DESENSITISED

Typically, I’m slow to anger. But currently my blood is boiling.

Injustice makes me mad, but this makes me furious.

You call yourselves humans, but where is your humanity?

You may call yourselves Christians, but where is your love?

I am God of the needy, the suffering. It is they who need me the most. It is your job to show my love to the most desperate of people.

But instead you choose to remain comfortable in your sheltered little life…

Because it’s too unsettling, upsetting, uncomfortable to really see all the injustice. By using labels such as ‘boat people’, ‘homosexuals’, ‘politicians’ or ‘terrorists’ you don’t have to face the complications that come with actually seeing those people as fellow human beings.

Perhaps you have never seen real suffering. Perhaps you have seen too much. Perhaps you think that your efforts won’t make a difference.

I don’t care. Simply because you can’t stop all the worlds suffering, does that give you reason to not stop any?

I am Lord of all. I can stop all the injustice. I can solve the most complex of issues. But I need to work through you.

There is so much suffering that you have stopped feeling, stopped sharing each other’s pain. You must stop and allow yourselves to feel! Or you will become just like the robots you are creating. Sorrow and pain are emotions that are suppressed by your society. But it’s not shameful to cry, it’s beautiful. For it is part of your humanity… And will inspire action. Suppressing human suffering only allows injustice to grow and fester.

To act, you must first be able to feel. To feel, you must first be able to see.

How can I solve injustice if my body will not work? How can I save the suffering if my eyes refuse to see it? How can I walk if my feet are numb? How can I heal if my hands cannot feel? For you are the body of Christ. The Holy Spirit lives in you, now stop restricting it.

OBSESSIVE FUTURIST

I am an obsessive futurist.

Constantly thinking about the future, constantly looking forward to something, constantly dreading something.

I’ve always been a thinker, or a dreamer rather. My mind is always tossing over something. Although I often ponder menial topics, the repeat offenders are my love life and my future career/studies.

If you’ve read my previous blogs you would know that my boyfriend of two years (two years this weekend actually) has been living in America for a couple of months now. He’s there on a basketball scholarship, and is back in May next year. It’s a community college, so if he chooses he could be there for two years in total. But if he’s offered a scholarship at a four-year college afterwards, it may be a lot longer. Up until now I had been continuing the relationship partly because of my own hopeful assumption that it would only be for a year, and partly because of the dedication he showed to our relationship.

A recent conversation revealed the extent of my obsession with the future. It became clear that he is actually considering a career in basketball – I had always thought he felt otherwise. It became clear that he was considering staying a second year, and if he did he would most likely go to a four-year college.

Of course straight away my brain spiraled in to thoughts about the future and how this could possibly fit in with my previous imaginings. He had never known what it was that he wanted to do with his life, and so I had begun to hope that he would fit in around my own career and travel plans. What could him pursuing his own dreams possibly mean for our future together? I know it’s extremely selfish of me… But I’m not ready to compromise my future plans for a relationship.

In a way it’s distressing. I don’t want to be sticking out this long-distance relationship if somewhere down the line we realize that neither of us is going to give up our dreams for the other. And if you really love the person shouldn’t you want too?

But then again, I love him. He is the only person I have ever loved… He is an excellent boyfriend, even from the other side of the world. And overall, despite the pain that comes with long distance, he makes me happy. So why break up out of fear that it won’t work out in the future?

These are the kind of thoughts that have been clouding my mind even since the months leading up to his departure. In amongst all this I’m trying to work out what it is God wants for me… Whether or not my boyfriend is to be my future husband or if I’m holding on to something that needs to be let go.

This is where my problem lies. I shouldn’t be trying to work all of this out; I should be trying to work out what it is that God is telling me. This would be energy much better spent. I should be giving all the thoughts, all the worries, and all the stress to God. And spending more time silencing my own human thoughts in order to give God the space to reveal His plans to me. And He may not… He might choose not to reveal to me all the things I want to know about my future. But if I live each day in obedience, listening for His voice, I will know what it is that God wants me to do each step of the way. It’s about being obedient in the present – and then I don’t have to know what the future is to be able to look forward to it.

LOVED

I don’t have any regrets in life; I like to think that everything happens for a reason, and it all (good and bad) plays a part in life’s journey. But there are certainly things in my past that I’m not proud of – one being the amount of boys I dated in high school. From the age of about fourteen or fifteen, I went from one boy to the next. Some of them I liked, some I wasn’t sure… But the majority of them were for the wrong reasons.

I have always been, like a lot of females, slightly insecure about myself. We want to be liked, want attention and affirmation. We want to feel special, feel loved, and feel like we matter. So when any decent guy came along who was attracted to me, and I knew he wanted to be with me, I was more than flattered. I wouldn’t think seriously about whether or not this person was someone I wanted to be with… I would just say yes. I had hardly any standards or expectations; if they were attractive, friendly and liked me it was another relationship.

Partly it was just the nature of school relationships; of course at that age no relationship was going to be too serious. But it did lead to me getting hurt, as I got older and the boys found out that I wasn’t going to give them my body, they would eventually dump me. Which of course only increased my insecurities. I wish I had decided earlier to only date Christian boys, and I wish I had stopped to think about whether it was really the person or the attention that I liked.

Now my insecurities are manifested in more subtle ways. Present when my text or call has gone unanswered. Present when I’m not invited. Present when I see myself in the mirror next to the mental image of the slimmer, more tanned version of my body I’d prefer.

Everyone wants to feel loved. It’s the most human of desires. It makes us feel special; makes us feel that in this world of 7,000,000,000 people, we matter. It’s this need to feel loved that creates insecurity, loneliness and despair.

We are all loved. Those of us who live on the streets or in prison cells, are completely and utterly loved. No more and no less than those of us who go to church every Sunday and do all the right things in the days between. God loves and cherishes all of His people, each one having been deliberately and carefully created by Him.

He loves me. He wants to be in a relationship with me. He thinks about me. He wants to be with me. It reminds me of something a lady shared with us once in church… She was driving down some special road in Jerusalem, past some amazing place from Bible times (so amazing that I can’t remember the name of it). She was super excited, unable to believe that she was driving past the very spot where God once stood, in the form of Jesus, with a disciple named Peter.

As she sat in the car she marveled over it all: “Wow God, I’m just so excited, I can’t believe I’m actually here seeing all of this. I’m actually here! Where you actually stood! Hundreds of years ago! Sorry, I know probably not very exciting for you, I mean… you’ve already been here!”

The came His response – “It’s the first time I’ve been here with you.”

She broke down in tears at His words – as I almost did listening to her tell the story – as the sheer realization of His love. He walks every step of our day with us, just enjoying being with us.

None of us should ever feel unloved, lonely or insecure. Whether or not you believe in my God, He loves you more than you could ever know. We matter, we are special, and we are more than enough for Him.

GOD PLEASER

I’m a huge people pleaser. I was an extremely shy child, and I am still usually the quiet one when it comes to group situations. I had quite strict parents, and had the typical Christian values of ‘love’ and ‘kindness’ drilled in to me as a kid. A combination of these factors lead to my complete lack of a spine in the adult world.

Step on my foot, and I’ll say sorry. Walk in to me on the street, I’ll apologize. One day my tutor was typing on my laptop and kept hitting the ‘=’ key instead of the backspace (because it must be in a slightly different spot on my laptop compared to the one she uses) – I found myself standing there apologizing for the configuration of my keyboard.

As soon as a word is exchanged with salespeople, I’m sucked in. It got to the point where my mum and boyfriend learnt to position themselves between the salespeople and me on the street or in the shopping centre. If I find myself unlucky enough to answer the home phone, my go to line is ‘I’m really sorry but I’m not over 18’.

I’ve had to work hard on being able to say ‘no’ and put up boundaries in my life, particularly when it comes to relationships. It takes a lot of courage for me to tell someone that I’m a Christian, or that I went to church on the weekend, or have bible study tonight. But when I hold back from sharing about my faith, I’m limiting the reach of Gods glory.

I constantly have to remind myself that as long as I please God, it doesn’t matter whether the people around me are pleased or not. When I worry about what people think of me; I’m putting my relationship with people over the relationship I have with God. And no connection can be that special.

‘Rule your mind or it will rule you’ – Buddha

It started with Octoberfast.

Yep, instead of Oktoberfest, we Christians like to take it next level and give up one of our favourite things rather than indulge in it (Yep – how appealing is our religion looking right now?).

So I gave up sugar.

I also had cheesecake for lunch today, and am currently thinking about the chocolate fondue I’ve got planned for dessert tonight.

I lasted just under two weeks.

I’ve tried numerous diets and health fads in the past. I’ve tried ‘clean eating’ and all those wanky wholefood things; I have quinoa, chia seeds and all the rest in my pantry. Last Friday night I spent my evening blending almonds in an attempt to make almond butter; I woke up Saturday morning with ears ringing, not from hours of piercing club music, but from too many hours spent beside a clattering blender the night before.

But it never lasts more than a few weeks, a month tops. And then, in the space of a few days, I’ve consumed the same amount of calories and sugar as I would have if I were allowing myself treats all along. It’s become quite an unhealthy and completely pointless cycle. It usually happens when I’m in a particularly difficult situation, like those times when you’re a guest and offered something that would be rude to decline (the moments that kill diets!) Then I take on the mindset that it doesn’t matter, just for a while I’ll relax my self-control and indulge, just enjoy the rest of the day. Then the day after, the cravings are stronger and it only takes the slightest temptation before I allow myself another pig out day. Before I know it, I’ve spent the whole week walking around like a bloated pig, stuffing myself with sweets at any possible moment.

As soon as I relax my self-control, and allow myself to indulge just a little, I’m completely helpless. For me, moderation doesn’t exist.

It’s not just with food. I’ve found the same thing with sexual temptation. In case you don’t already know, my boyfriend and are waiting until marriage. We’ve found that as soon as we even start thinking about sex, or allow our thoughts to go down that path, we’re fighting a doomed battle. We’ll sit there, like two horny school kids, looking at each other with eyes and bodies full of longing and desire. Eventually our thoughts turn in to words, and once we’ve given voice to the words, they want to become actions. And more often than not, they will.

We underestimate the importance of controlling our thoughts. It seems strange, but it is so important to limit the places our mind goes. It takes practice, but the key to regulating our actions is regulating our minds. And although many of us already know this, not many of us actually do it.

It can be fun and entertaining to allow yourself to fantasize about things, and it seems harmless when we don’t act on it. But a thought can turn in to a desire, which can turn in to a fantasy, which can become a stronghold. How many affairs are started with a single desire? How much unhappiness grows from thinking more about the bad than the good?

We can think ourselves in to dissatisfaction and out of control.